World Suicide Prevention Day.

 

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day..

I have been touched twice by suicide.The first when Kerry was born 30 years ago.My first husband's nephew shot himself the day before Kerry was born he was 21 the same age as me.

Even though I didn't really know him I was shattered when this happen and I have never forgotten it and the feelings associated with his  suicide.

Then a few years ago my best bestest friend Jan committed suicide..I wont say how she passed as it is too horrific to talk about.

The worst thing about suicide is the people left behind.In Jan's case it was 5 beautiful daughters and family and friends but it is the daughters who had had the hardest part of dealing with this,not only her death but in growing up without their mother.There is now a little granddaughter who at times I see the Jan sparkle and in 11 weeks another Grand daughter will be born and these little girls will not know that wonderful funny clever women that was their Nana.

                                                              Brianna Jan and Kerry.....

Jan loved kids ....and boy she loved her girls with a passion a passion I have rarely seen in other people.Kids were drawn to her...... Kerry called Jan "her favourite person" Jan's laughter was pure happiness -and she had a wicked side that you didn't want to get on the wrong side of...She was the truest friend you could ever want to have ...

I understand that Jan  was mixed up and hurting and I did as well as lots of others and her family tried to help her but in the end she couldn't take it any more.|

Jan had been my best friend for 15 years and even though we were joined at the hip  I didn't know just how bad she was feeling, I knew things wernt right I knew she was in  and out of different Psych hospitals and was seeing Doctors but the darkest thoughts she kept to her self.  I knew she was dealing with different problems and trying to sort them out I did try to help butt I guess not hard enough...

Maybe if I wasn't so involved with my own life and family I could have done more  that is something I have to deal with.

With all my sickness and pain I have often though about suicide being the way out of pain and illness but something usually Kerry and Jaxonand the LM  bring me back to reality and how would they be if I left them..........Yeah Kevin would move on get another wife but Kerry would loose her mum and I have seen how Jan's girls are about not having their mum around and I couldn't do that to her so I soon forget about that thought but others don't.....

I guess all I am saying is if you know someone who may  depressed  or worried  to try that little bit harder to check they are OK..........A phone call a letter or message is all it takes ...

I don't want to have another suicide effect my family it is too heartbreaking for all concerned and if I can help to make a difference for someone I will do.

I miss you Jan I miss you so #$$%ing  much it hurts.