Hello Goodbye ??? I dont know which one...

 

Weird picture but the LM made it in "Beautiful Mess "phone app and wanted me to use it so I have...

What a weird title for this post isn't it but that's how I feel at the moment I don't know whether I am coming or going.....

I have told you guys before that I have an open wound on my right leg and  that the tendon has come through and is exposed. Well my specialist didn't want to operate because he was worried that if he starts removing it he maybe couldn't stop so we (the doctor )decided to up my antibiotics changed my dressings around a bit and then we would wait...Apparently the main thing is to keep the tendon moist and don't let it dry up.

I have a nurse who comes to may house and checks my leg and checks on me to see how things are going. It is comforting to have this although I do whinge about it sometimes often.

Well wait we did and lately this is going to sound gross but bits of tendons have been coming off when I take the dressings off. YUCK. And as you can imagine the pain is awful thank god for pain killers they don't get rid of the pain but do take the edge off it.

Anyway things are getting worse and I had to go get a wound swab and a Xray of my leg to see if I have an infection in the wound and or an infection in my bone. In the bone is the worst case scenario that we didn't want.

Guess what BINGO I have a bone infection .....

I now have to go see my local Doctor and get a referral to see The Infectious Disease Team at our hospital and take it from there. I have been told that this will mean a hospital stay (unknown time ), where they will do lots of tests and give me antibiotics via a drip. Hopefully they will then give me a "pic line " where I can come home and the nurse come daily to administer the antibiotics. But we don't know for sure yet what is going  to happen until I see the doctors.Local Doctor tomorrow the others ???? who knows when.

I have looked up the Internet to see what this is all about .That was a mistake. All I see is the bad parts then start crying convinced that is it I am gone......

I did learn though that it used to be fatal if you got this infection but now if you get it early they can treat it -I am praying we have got it early.

The weird thing is the last week I have been feeling heaps better than I have for awhile, yeah I am still in pain and find it hard to walk but generally I have been feeling a lot better in myself what is it they say "the calm before the storm"....

So now I wait, fingers crossed and pray and pray and then some more pray. I know there are lots more people worse off than me but at this time I am only concerned about me not anything else that is happening in the world.It all seems not to matter anymore.. I don't want to lose my leg nor do I want to die yet but they are the worse endings and  that could happen to me.

Kev is great but this time when they wanted to talk to him and explain what was happening he couldn't keep the worry out of his voice which makes it worse for me because I tend to lean on him very much.I usually  let the doctors tell him what is happening while I switch off then he tells me and is very patient while he explains it for the tenth time as I ask him questions....

I held on to him extra hard last night as I will again tonight.

I got Kev to tell my mum then I spoke to her and said we are not to talk about it anymore end of subject ....she kind of agrees. Kerry is the same she tells me to keep positive but unless it is happening to you ....you don't know what it is like.I think about it 24/7 sometimes I get so depressed I get out the photos of LM ,Kev and Jaxon and look at them till I feel the love of them come through (whoa  Dee sounds like too many drugs ha ha ) I just don't want to talk about it and the future with them because I know I cant deal with it even now I am crying as I write .....

So if there isn't any posts for awhile you know what is happening in my little crazy world.Although I am going to try to post them automatically (sometimes this works for me sometimes it don't)

Like I said fingers crossed.....